Public servant's quandry: If I do a good day's work today, what am I going to do tomorrow?

Work Ethic: I have one - I'm certain of it. It's there when I spend 4 hours on a Sunday in the office setting up equimpment. Its' there when I pull 12 hr days in the field. It's there when I take work home to read over or tinker with formatting. But it disappears when I sit at my desk for 7.25hrs a day, 5 days a week.

Yesterday I was fuzzbrained all day; the kind of state where you never really wake up fully after a really deep sleep. The state generated after finally getting a good night's sleep and a fantastic back massage. So yesterday my desk got tidied and my computer files got rearranged. I managed an hour or two of real work at the end of the day and that was it really. I think perhaps my daily routine should change. Perhaps when I get here in the morning instead of checking LJ first thing I should just leap into work and get my head into work mode straight up. But then again, I wouldn't want to strain myself: I'm a public servant after all...

It does bug me. It eats away at me. I'm slack here because there isn't enough to do half the time. For months I was taskless and stretched what few jobs were thrown my way as far as possible to keep me occupied for longer. It's just hard to break that habit now that work is picking up. Is work picking up? Well, not in the real sense of project work, but I'm finding more things for myself to do. Little Toni projects to keep me busy and interested. Except sometimes I bore myself.

The public service really isn't for me in the long run. Not the way is seems to be heading, where public good is forgotten and it's all about elections and ministerial launches. I chose my career because I wanted to make a difference, and I still do. I'm not naive enough to think I'm going to change the world, but I believe I can help. It matters too much to me to sit back and not take part. So why then am I so apathetic? I'm not looking for another job - I don't beleive3 I have the experience yet to get one. But I'm not getting the best oput of myself here. And I can blame the work culture as much as I like (and it could use some blame - it's terrible), but in all honesty it comes down to me. I make and control my own attitudes. They are my values I've allowed to slip, and it's up to me to do something about it. And tomorrow... well, there's always something that will need cleaning/organising/sorting. It may not be using my degree, but noone else around here is going to do it.

Sugar high!!!

I'm eating these mini MilkyWays that someone was selling in the canteen for a fundraiser. i don't even like milk chocolate, let alone milky ways, but I had a major chocolate craving and it's pretty much the best I can do around here. maybe I'll bring in my own stash of the good stuff: Lindt 85% cocoa dark chocolate - one piece is enough! But anyway, I only have pseudo chocolate, and I've eaten so much of it in search of that lovely cocoa-induced endorphin release that I'm on a sugar high, but alas, no endorphins.

I don't think they should be allowed to call something chocolate unless it contains a minimum amount of cocoa - say 25%. Of course, that rules out white chocolate straight away, but so it should! Nasty concoction of milk and sugar with only cocoa butter instead of the real deal. Bleugh! But then, people tell me I'm a snob with this kind of thing. I don't eat insta-food and don't drink instant coffee. I haven't eaten Maccas in about 6 years. I'm all fresh roasted espresso and fresh herbs, home cooking and red wine. The way I see it, the small pleasures are what make life so enjoyable. This world is too busy and life is too short to eat packet food and drink goon ;-)

Ok, so that doesn't explain the chilli thing, but I'll put that down to addiction. There's a lovely rush to be gained from capsicain, and besides, spice is nice! And no, pepper doesn't count as spice; especially if it's the ground white stuff! There's an art to spicy cooking - a skill in blending the flavours for maximum depth. Spicy food is sensory fulfillment. As is cheese. I don't know what it is about cheese, but good cheese is just irresistable. Brie, peccorino, white mould, goats, so many flavours and all of them tasty!

My fish are busy displaying at each other. It's a wonder they don't do themsleves an injury slamming against the glass like that. Oh to have the sex drive of a paradise fish...