Life, out of balance (repeat)

Ah, so life went and got all crazy again. Sorry I haven't really been around on LJ - life got in the way. The last 2 weeks have been one hell of a ride! There have been good time and sad times and panic and bliss. I've spent time with some of the people I love most and not enough by myself. I spent $300 and a day in Melbourne for a job I didn't get, but spent a day in my favourite city with people I don't see nearly enough. We got burgled a day before we were told the landlords intend to kick us out at the end of the lease, but didn't notice until three days later. The landlords haven't even offered to replace the locks, even though they know (the sooner we're gone, the sooner they can make a whole lot more money on this place). After six years in the one place we have three weeks to find a place to land before the property market explodes with the annual student influs, and the market has changed an awful lot in six years without us noticing.

The lease comes up in February; one week, I think, after my work contract comes up from the very last roll-over and everything gets advertised for an 18 month position under a different manager. Eighteen moths: that's the longest contract I've ever had the potential to hold, a very promising prospect despite our will to be in Melbourne. We're needing to re-consider our options and perhaps Alex will go back to uni here, at least for a year (if I get the contract) so we can finally take some steps forward and get off this drunken merry-go-round of short term work and grandious dreaming. Maybe it's time we aimed for moderate stability and concrete goals: that still leaves us with a house to find or some serious negotiation with the landlords. The only certainty: we need to make some difficult decisions and love with the consequences. As far as I can reason, there are no right choices at the moment. All our options have serious positives and negatives; all we can do is focus on making it through the choices we make without regretting what could have been. That and remembering to celebrate each other.

And on the positive side of things, we're ok. Sure I'm not exactly sleeping much, but I'm holding it together. I haven't had a panic attack since May, and despite two rocky days last week I'm not going to have another on 2006. I did spend two days spontaneously bursting into tears, but then I remembered who I am and I've been doing ok since. Christmas, on the other hand, has been postponed indefinately! Well, we'll be spending time with our families and friends, and eating far too much food (again: this weekend was already an eat-a-thon), but the whole card and present thing just isn't happening right now. Ah, just the way I like it! Time spent with loved ones without the focus on dollars!

No, this is how it works;
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get hard
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again