Notes from the frontier

[shapeofthings]

There’s a hole in my heart where the rain gets in, and the weather’s been inclement.

I’m feeling rather waterlogged and the smell is quite unpleasant.

The drainage works are underway, a patch is in the planning,

I’m sketching out a new design, but lately it won’t stop raining!

***

It's not a slump, a temporary state of affairs to be suffered through. It's a major shift, tectonic.

I discovered my map of 'how life works' was faulty, so I tore it up, and now I need to figure out (a) where I am, (b) where I want to be, and (c) how to get there. That means poking at everything that hurts to work out why,and grabbing onto everything that makes me smile to work out why (and hopefully not destroying it in the process). I'm ferreting around in my head to see what parts of the mental map were broken (Oh look, I have co-dependent behaviours. Ooh, I over-value a sense of security. Hey, when confronted with uncertainty I try to over-control everything else in my life.) and trying to re-wire them better.

This is slow, hard, painful work and I am an impatient person. There’s not enough shiny stuff going on right now to balance out the ledger, so occasionally I'm sinking down into the mire. But I WILL GET THERE! I will not keep cycling through the same faulty patterns again and again.

Things are changing. I just need to work out the shape of things to come.