Tie up your shoelaces

[shapeofthings]

Hello again. My hard drive has gone phut so I have borrowed the work lap top overnight to catch up on the digital world. Thankfully I'd backed everything up about a week ago, and I really did need a new computer but I could do without the expense right now. I may see how long I can muddle along with the borrowed lap top, but I do miss Photoshop!

I've been in a wee bit of a slump these last two days: a combination of crashing back to reality after a wonderful Melbourne trip and a general lack of sleep. My sub-conscious is being very annoying right now, doing the mental equivalent of digging into the bottom drawer and the back of the cupboard to see what emotional debris have collected in the corners. I understand it's a reaction to recent events and perfectly healthy, I'd just prefer if it didn't result in semi-lucid dreams and broken sleep.

Is it just another toni-quirk or do other people have a subconscious that likes to test their true feelings on an issue by throwing up a range of scenarios and evaluating any emotional response? Bah, even my subconsious is a scientist: test, test, test.

So I've been sleeping badly, distracted and a little frayed around the edges. I may have even indulged in a little sulking and eating of chocolate. This evening, though, I've given myself a stern talking to and set about looking after myself properly. If I'm going to insist on living this crowded and complicated life (as it seems I am, since every attempt to slow things down a little is quickly abandoned when something shiny comes along) I'm really going to have to take better care of myself and find some self discipline. That means eating properly, sleeping properly and giving myself time and space to work through assorted cares and concerns.

So tonight I went out into my sorely neglected little garden and picked a bucket-load of kale, made lacework by an infestation of cabbage moths^[1], and cooked myself a mountain of kale and mushroom dahl. Shortly I'm going to go tackle the dishes and the washing, then settle down with a mug of sleepy tea and think a little.

Uncertainty around my employment future weighs heavily (desipite having plans for scenarios A, B & C, scenario D - current job ends and alternate job prospect fails - remains a concerning prospect). As much as there are many other things I'd like to invest my energy in, it seems now is the time to focus on my career and doing what I can to build my employment prospects. At least I have a fair idea where I actually want to take my career now: a better position than I was in 6 months ago.

Life is complicated, but it's also full of beautiful things and wonderful people. If I'm going to survive it all I'm going to have to get better at the whole balance thing. I've got to look after myself if I'm going to keep running. *grin*

Much love!

Hah, amusing to see what photos are on my werk computer c.f. backing up my phone.

[1] Because I'm a hopeless hippy an ecologist I dislike using poisons in the garden and generally just accept a portion of my crops will be lost to the snails, bugs and grubs that are meant to be in a garden. Sometimes, however, things get out of balance (especially as establishing a well balanced garden with the birds, bugs and lizards to eat the pests takes more time than one generally gets in a rental) and action must be taken. So today vast quantities of kale were picked, the caterpillars and eggs removed (the laciest leaves will wind up in stock) and the remaining plants coated liberally with derris dust. One day, however, I will have a proper balanced garden!

Ooh, speaking of, I made my first batch of tomato relish for the year on Monday; a colourful mix of yellow Snow White and purple Black Cherry toms. Should be good!